(Click actuality to skip bottomward to the acceptable questions arena off Shakespeare quotes)
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Shampoo:1. Lather.2. Rinse.3. Repeat.4. All appropriate already, stop abrasion your hair, you overliteral fool.
This week’s challenge was appropriate by Stuart Rogers of the Toronto Loser Bureau, which consists of Stuart Rogers and the casual added nice person. Stuart was aggressive by a cheep from someone/thing called Meanwhile in Canada that instructed how to baker a can of soup, with accomplish including “Immediately allotment fingertip on bend of lid” and “Dump algid block into microwave-safe bowl. Lose appetite.” In that vein: This week: List some “accurate” admonition for application some artefact or commutual some task.
Submit entries at the website wapo.st/enter-invite-1279 (all lowercase).
Winner gets the Lose Cannon, our Style Invitational trophy. Additional abode receives a big billowy barmy top hat in consciousness-expanding colors and printed with all sorts of adequate accord signs and flowers and smileys. Willy Wonka would accept banned to abrasion this hat because it was too gaudy. Donated by Dave Prevar and modeled at a contempo Loser brunch by Kyle Hendrickson.
Other runners-up win our “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.” Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “We’ve Seen Better” or “IDiot Card.” Aboriginal Offenders accept alone a evil-smelling tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their aboriginal ink). Borderline is Monday night, May 21; after-effects appear June 10 (online June 7). See accepted challenge rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. The banderole “Good Will Punning” is by Tom Witte; William Kennard wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the active Style Invitational Devotees accumulation on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev. “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; chase @StyleInvite on Twitter.
The Style Conversational The Empress’s account online cavalcade discusses anniversary new challenge and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, analysis it out at wapo.st/styleconv.
And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .
GOOD WILL PUNNING: THE SHAKESPEAREAN A&Q OF WEEK 1275
In Week 1275 the Empress asked you to adduce a band from Shakespeare, afresh accumulation a catechism that adduce ability answer. Abounding entries reminded us how generally Bardy quotes are consistently acclimated as jokes — “too, too solid flesh” for dieters, “loved not wisely but too well” for STDs, etc. — but as usual, the Loser Community auspiciously labour’d to outjest.
A. “Give not this rotten orange to your friend.” (“Much Ado About Nothing”)Q: “Shall I acquaint Donald to my pal Melania?” (Thor Rudebeck, Chicago)
A. “Dog!” (“Troilus and Cressida”)Q: Mr. President, for your aftermost catechism on your cerebral assessment: Is this a dog, or a dog? (Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.)
2nd abode and the dragon-head hat:
A. “By my anatomy I swear, there is no ability in the argot of man to adapt me.” (“The Merchant of Venice”)Q. What were the acutely inaccurate aftermost words of the Tootsie Pop? (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)
And the champ of the Lose Cannon:
A. “He jests at scars that never acquainted a wound.” (“Romeo and Juliet”)Q, “Why does McCain affliction about my cartilage spurs, anyway?” (Brendan Beary, Abundant Mills, Md.)
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Let blooper the dogs: Honorable mentions
Which of you shall we say doth adulation us most? (“King Lear”)How shall we activate the Cabinet meeting, Mr. President? (Gil Glass, Washington)
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow . . . (“Macbeth”)Honey, back will you fix the awning door? (Dinah Rokach, Silver Spring, Md.)
I crave your highness’ pardon. (“Antony and Cleopatra”)What’s the acknowledged Hallmark agenda in Washington these days? (Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)
Shall I analyze thee to a summer’s day? Thou art added admirable and added temperate. (Sonnet 18)No, seriously. What did you get me for Mother’s Day? (Danielle Nowlin)
Tongues in trees, books in the active brooks, sermons in stones… (“As You Like It”)Are we all set up for the abbey scavenger hunt? (Claire Walsh, Herndon, Va.)
Why didst thou affiance such a admirable day, and accomplish me biking alternating after my cloak, to let abject clouds o’ertake me? (Sonnet 34)What’s the best accepted complaint in Topper Shutt’s inbox? (Kathleen DeBold, Burtonsville, Md.)
I acknowledge thee, Jew, for teaching me that word. (“The Merchant of Venice”)How did the D.C. Council affiliate acknowledge back his aide explained the appellation “anti-Semitism” to him? (Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.)
Your agency are actual slender, and your decay is great. (“Henry IV, Part II”)Why do I accumulate active out of toilet paper? (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)
To boot, and boot! (“King Lear”)What’s the adage of Windows 10? (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
To beddy-bye — perchance to dream. (“Hamlet”)What is on Ben Carson’s agenda today? (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
I’ll not be juggled with. (“Hamlet”)What did Peter Dinklage say to Shaquille O’Neal? (Duncan Stevens)
Think but this, and all is mended. (“A Midsummer Night’s Dream”)What is the adage of the Association of Transcendental Plumbers? (Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.)
Tush, that’s a board thing! (“Henry VI, Part I”)What acknowledgment acquired the medical apprentice to flunk the analysis exam? (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
For my voice, I accept absent it with hollaing and singing of anthems. (“Henry IV, Part II”)What was it like assuming with the flu at the Super Bowl, Pink? (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
It droppeth as the affable rain from heaven aloft the abode beneath. (“The Merchant of Venice”)What happens back you even an aeroplane toilet? (Gary Crockett)
Never, never, never, never, never. (“King Lear”)When will you assuredly get over the actuality that Hillary Clinton absent the election? (Robert Schechter)
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O, had I but followed the arts! (“Twelfth Night”)How could I accept gotten added apprentice debt? (Gary Crockett)
O, no – it is an ever-fixèd mark. (Sonnet 116)Thanks afresh for pet-sitting my cat — a little Resolve bankrupt up that blow on the rug, didn’t it? (Brendan Beary)
The end of activity cancels all bands. (“Henry IV, Part I”)Is there annihilation that can stop the Rolling Stones from touring? (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)
How if I acknowledgment no? (“Hamlet”)Do you consistently acknowledgment a catechism with addition question? (William Kennard, Arlington, Va.)
So let it be with Caesar. (“Julius Caesar”)Hi, umm, that abode bloom you ordered? So I arrested with the kitchen? And they’re like, out of the Thousand Island? (Brendan Beary)
The account was baffled gold. (“Antony and Cleopatra,” apropos to a accouter on Cleopatra’s barge)What afflicted you best about the bathrooms in Trump Tower? (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)
Speak what we feel, not what we care to say. (“King Lear”)What’s the new byword for Twitter? (John McCooey)
O that I were a cuff aloft that duke . . . (“Romeo and Juliet”)On additional thought, Prince Charles, is there addition article of Lady Camilla’s that you ability ambition to be? (Mark Raffman)
Some carry-tale, some please-man, some slight zany,Some mumble-news, some trencher-knight, some Dick. (“Love’s Labour’s Lost”)Who’s applying for jobs at the White Abode these days? (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
Is she not casual fair? (“The Two Gentleman of Verona”)What’s Rachel Dolezal up to now? (Roy Ashley, Washington)
The rankest admixture of awful aroma that anytime affronted nostril. (“The Merry Wives of Windsor”)Hey, what do you anticipate of the new Axe anatomy spray? (Danny Wysong, Crozet, Va.)
The caster is appear abounding circle. I am here. (“King Lear”)Whoa, are you actively a talking hamster? (Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)
As abounding farewells as be stars in heaven. (“Troilus and Cressida”)What’s on abutting week’s White Abode schedule? (Jeff Contompasis)
So withered, and so agrarian in their attire, that attending not like th’ citizenry o’ th’ earth. (“Macbeth”)Wow, you see all sorts of association at Coachella, don’t you? (Hildy Zampella, Alexandria)
And Last: With aphotic blots and rotten block bonds. (“Richard II”)How did the Empress accolade her accouchement for acceptable grades? (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)
See this week’s Style Conversational (published backward afternoon on Thursday, May 10) for added Invite-themed quotes/questions.
Still active — borderline Monday, May 14: our anniversary “grandfoals” contest. See wapo.st/invite1278.
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DON’T MISS AN INVITE! Sign up actuality to accept a once-a-week email from the Empress as anon as The Style Invitational and Style Conversational go online every Thursday, complete with links to the columns.
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